hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
