Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
