No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
