Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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