Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
