Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
