So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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