yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
