Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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