I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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