: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
