So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
this beer tastes like vomit already
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
