I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well you can't waste a boner
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
