How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
