Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
