Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
