Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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