I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
