He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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