So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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