ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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