I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
