I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dont even know how to be here
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
