I'm eating all of the evidence.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
