he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
