So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
