I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
