You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
