When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
