tonight lets celebrate not being married
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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