shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
