she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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