i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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