I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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