I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
