I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
