Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
