I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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