I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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