So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
