im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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