I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
