I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
