dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize