I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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