Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
