I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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