I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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