He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
