I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
