whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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