i already hear my dad disowning me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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