I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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