He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize