I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
