I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
