Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
