Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize