Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
