So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
