I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Damn victory sex feels great
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
