I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
