I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
