I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
