I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my phone needs a breathalizer
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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