she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize