This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
