Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
