You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
