I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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