I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
