I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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