She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
