how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
