my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
