the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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