she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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