ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
