and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
