according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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