This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
