i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
