Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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