ADVERTISEMENT

• (620): View more from Kansas

  my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"

  (785): View more from Kansas

  you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

  Fav 37 1239 4036

  share tweet
  

• (831): View more from California

  theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

  Fav 216 35066 2918

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (720): View more from Colorado

  yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  eat her like coffee?

  Fav 19 1563 3578

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  wrong asian. never thought that would happen.

  Fav 16 1515 4253

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.

  Fav 14 919 6590

  share tweet
  

• (806): View more from Texas

  Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.

  Fav 24 1873 4827

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.

  Fav 9 3653 905

  share tweet
  

• (925): View more from California

  Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?

  Fav 9 2619 1538

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.

  Fav 2 1576 1719

  share tweet
  

• (434): View more from Virginia

  A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!

  Fav 4 2582 1131

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?

  Fav 6 832 1589

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house

  Fav 7 1371 840

  share tweet
  

• (671): View more from Guam

  I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same

  Fav 3 693 432

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.

  Fav 2 714 288

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?

  Fav 2 33 36

  share tweet
  

Randomize