why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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