I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sarcasm needs its own font
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
