Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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