he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
