Capitaan dildo arrescate!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
