he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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