I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
