He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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