im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
