Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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