i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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