i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize