woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize