thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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