if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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