Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
